Special Guest Posting on Queer Politics/Marriage

A special guest posting from James:

I just wanna say I’m glad that Hilary and Julie Goodridge just got divorced though I fear the lesson being taken away is the wrong one. It’s not that same-sex relationships are just like opposite sex ones and sometimes they end in divorce, but that maybe we need to rethink the notion that mating for life with one partner is what we should strive for. If half of marriages end in divorce, that makes it only a slightly more successful institution than say the Milwaukee Brewers.

Mainstream Lesbian Bisexual and Gay Organizations (and few exist outside the mainstream) just don’t get it. Why do we want to participate in an unsuccessful program run by straight society and why for that matter should straight folks also want to believe the same thing. I recently had a friend get divorced. He’s Catholic and took the divorce very personally. Yet he probably lived unhappily for a long time because he felt like he had an obligation to the tenets of the church and his upbringing to make things work because that’s what we know we’re supposed to do. I don’t even wanna look beyond the numbers on divorce into infidelity and figure that out either. I mean why is say, sleeping around with someone else away from my partner any different than say playing racquetball with someone else, can’t we just regard sex as something fun we do at times? Why is it wrapped up and confused with all these other things.

Yeah yeah I realize I’m not writing anything new, but we do need to go back to the past and revisit the struggle for queer liberation and recognize that it’s not about the right to live together forever (maybe, possibly?) and it is about the following:

-Tearing down societal expectations around sex, relationships and mores.

Around relationship, I’ve already said my piece. I want people to think they have options. If they want to live with two other people and raise children together, if they want to have the right not to partner up if they don’t see relationships as permanent, Here’s where class comes into play as well. Why don’t we grant the same familial rights to two single parents jointly raising their children, whether or not their relationship is platonic? Or someone taking care of extended family members? Shouldn’t our fight be about extending the definition of family, not bringing an insignificant, narrow slice of what’s out there relationship wise and granting them “special” rights.

Around sex: Said it before. Should we really take it that seriously? Isn’t it just something fun to do (as long as we’re safe). I want a polyamorous, multi-sexual society if we can get there.

Around mores: The root of all homophobia is sexism. People, well actually men, wouldn’t be threatened by the queers except that it makes guys seem somehow more feminine. To be queer is to be a woman. Without gender stereotypes and expectations there’d be no homophobia. Gay culture often feeds into this, both around who the face of the “community” is when people call themselves “straight” acting. I want my nephew to have a pink bicycle helmet and my niece to not wear skirts, if that’s what they want.

Obviously we’re all being oppressed by the status quo. Queers I don’t need to explain. But straight folk who are forced into marriages they don’t want or aren’t ready for, (apologies to Cotton who is most certainly ready to get hitched and do all the trappings and that’s all good as well) have to make decisions on anything from fashion to hobbies starting at a young age, not based on what they might like but based on what is societally acceptable.

Well what is to be done?

We need to start moving in the streets and let our creative juices flow and who gives a shit what the press or our parents or friends or anyone else thinks. We need to be the same folks who are crashing high school sex education courses with bananas and condoms and teaching kids the real truth about sex who are also getting together for a day at a suburban mall and practicing all sorts of same-sex PDA. We should be going down to the Mayor’s office and demanding marriage licenses but not just as pairs, but also as groups. We should be systematically fighting employers who still discriminate on any basis with a series of direct action campaigns. Most of all we should have fun. Emma Goldman wishes she could have slept around almost as much as she danced…